


Missed Naps and Small Chats

by Ace_Loric



Category: The Lorien Legacies - All Media Types, The Lorien Legacies - Pittacus Lore
Genre: Angst, Anxiety, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Grief/Mourning, Memories, Panic, Sometimes you just need to yell into a pillow
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-20
Updated: 2021-01-20
Packaged: 2021-03-18 13:35:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,209
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28867896
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ace_Loric/pseuds/Ace_Loric
Summary: Brandon (Henri) finds he can’t sleep on the ship to Earth, visions of his final day on Lorien replaying in his mind, but he’s not the only one.
Relationships: Brandon/Julianne
Kudos: 6





	Missed Naps and Small Chats

I lay in bed, yet again unable to sleep on my break. Every time I close my eyes I’m sent back to Lorien. Not to the good Lorien I wish I could remember. The Lorien that was invaded and being destroyed before my eyes. It’s been three weeks since we left and I still can’t get it out of my head. I’m beyond exhausted. When I’m awake, I’m trying to be strong for everyone. Pretend like everything is fine. Like I’m holding myself together. I have to be there for everyone, especially for Four and the other Garde kids. 

But I lost everything. My whole world. Julianne. I can’t stop my brain from going there. I know she’s gone. But what happened to her? What happened when I left? I will never forget the look on her face when I had to leave her. I’ll never forget our last conversation. I feel the first tear roll down my cheek as this memory once again shows itself.

She was crying. We both were. She held on to me tightly, willing me to stay, knowing how futile that was. “Brandon, please.”

I held onto her just as tight, “Julianne, I’m sorry, I’m so sorry. I have to go. The kid is counting on me. I love you, Julie, I love you so much and I’ll never stop loving you. I’ll do what I can to come back to you.” I held her tighter and kissed her head. We stay like that, both feeling like forever and not long enough. 

Eventually she pulled back a little. “Okay. I know you have to go. I love you, Brandon. I know you’re going to be great out there.” She said. When she realized I wasn’t moving, she held my face and kissed me. “Be brave. I love you. Go.” 

I kissed her one last time and turned and didn’t look back. I couldn’t. 

Not a day goes by that I don’t think about her. I lay in bed, tears fall uncontrollably now. When I get like this I can’t control my thoughts, everything comes out at once. I think of Four’s grandfather’s face when I came for him. I think of Daxin. We became good friends. We were supposed to be here together. I like Sandor, I really do, but can a teen really look after a rambunctious kid like Nine? I worry about them but I can’t let them show it. I just have to train them. 

And how am I supposed to keep my kid safe? I’m going to a whole new world that’s bigger than Lorien without a clue of how their societies work. Sure, we had books but i can’t imagine anything is truly like learning to live on a new planet, trying to blend in like you’re one of them, trying to survive, while also learning how to be a single father. What about when he gets his Legacies? How do we hide that? How do we not get noticed if the Mogs have come by then? His entire life and survival is dependent on my actions. 

The tears continue, but now they’re from fear. Fear of the great unknowns. Fear of failure. Fear of the uncertain future of the Garde and Loric. So many fears that I can’t show.

There’s also supposed to be people to meet us when we land, the Greeters, but what if the Mogs get to them first? We’d be left with nothing but the chests and Garde. They’d die or be captured and it’d be our fault. 

My thoughts are interrupted by a sound behind me as I face the wall. Someone is in here. They can’t see me like this. I have to be the strong one. The one that says everything is going to be okay. I take a quiet shaky breath and wipe my eyes. I hear small quiet footsteps, then a soft voice. “Brandon?” 

No! I especially can’t let Four see me like this. He’s supposed to be napping too, why is he up? I wipe my eyes again and force a smile, turn over and sit up. Our eyes meet and I see his eyes shift from his own shy sadness to one of concern. Is it that noticeable? Are my eyes that bloodshot? Whatever it is, Four seems to understand that something is wrong. Great. The exact thing I was trying to avoid. He runs over to my bed, jumps up and wraps his arms around my neck. I hug him back and a small genuine smile appears on my face. 

We stay like this for a while before he pulls back. He puts a hand on shoulder and his other one ruffling my hair. It takes only a second to realize he’s mimicking my moves when I comfort him. I laugh, “thanks, buddy.” 

He smiles back, happy with himself for getting me to laugh, he sits on me and looks up at me.

“So you couldn’t sleep either, eh?” I ask. He looks down and shakes his head. Maybe opening up to him a little would be better for us. “Do you think about Lorien? Is that what keeps you up too?” He pauses then nods and I can see he’s trying to keep himself together, probably for me.

“Come here,” I say and open my arms, which he crawls into. “It’s okay to feel these things, you know? It’s okay to feel sad, angry, fearful, anything. You’re not alone in feeling them. All of us feel it in some way.” I tell him as much as I’m telling myself. After a while, I add “and sometimes it’s good to let it out.”

“Actually, I have an idea. Take this.” I say and hand him a pillow. 

He looks up at me confused but takes it, “um, okay.”

“Okay, so we’re going to take these pillows, put them on our face” I say. He does this immediately and I can’t help but laugh. He takes the pillow off his face and laughs too. “Not yet, buddy! So you put these to your face and just yell in them.”

“Why do we need these?” He asks, holding up his pillow.

I smile, “because you don’t want to startle the others, right?”

“Right!” He replies with a single nod.

“You want to try it? We can do it together.” 

He nods again. “Okay, ready? On the count to of three. 1...2...3...” The two of us yell into the pillows letting everything come out. Eventually we’re both out of breath and laughing. “It helps right?” 

“Yeah,” Four says through laughter. 

Behind his laughter, I hear footsteps running through the halls of the ship. “Raaawwr!” Nine yells as he comes charging towards us, Sandor not for behind.

“Sorry, he heard you guys yelling and thought you were playing prucawbat,” Sandor laughs, watching Nine and Four now wrestling. I can’t help but laugh either. 

I get up and walk over to Sandor. “Everything okay?” He asks me quietly with visible concern.

I answer genuinely, “yeah. Yeah, we’ll be okay.” I know we’ll be okay. As long as I have Four and Four has me, I think we’ll be okay. We can help each other. We’ll get through this together.


End file.
